Letters to my kids | January Letter 2017

***Back when I was on my game, I joined a group of moms who wrote letters to their kids every month. After taking a few months off, basically because I got lazy, I am joining them again! After reading my letter, hop over to Tiffany's blog and read hers. You'll keep going until you get back to me. And if you'd like to read my past letters to the kids, you can follow this link to see the oldies. ***

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     These past few months have been hard on us all. Finding a new normal and learning to go with the flow.  But it's been hardest of all on you guys. Having to trust in parents that can't give you straight answers and to believe us when we say that everything we do is to make things better for you. You two have clung to each other and bonded in a way that a parent can only hope for. Y'all are strong and hopeful and amazing.
        This year we will have more fun and go on more adventures. We will play games instead of cleaning sometimes. OR...maybe we could make a game out of cleaning, yeah? You know I get all itchy and twitchy when the house is nasty and things are falling out of your closets. I will try to stop worrying about the little things and start learning to have more designated do nothing days. It will be a great year.
     I finally got invited along with you guys and Mimi and Pappy to go find a Christmas tree. I was instructed to bring a camera, though, so I don't think I was actually invited as much as hired for free. :\ But it was fun. All seven of us crammed into the gator to go find a tree that, after bringing it home, actually looks more like a big weedy bush. I swear it looked better in the field.     
   

Dear A,

     You, my dear, have shown so much strength. You show hope and acceptance. You are sensitive, and the most mundane things get to you. You like to process your feelings on your own, but still want someone there to hold your hand while you do it. You struggle with wanting to rely on no one and needing to rely on someone. I see yourfight for independence and freedom and the need to control the things around you. Your struggle with being perfect or not caring at all.  You are open and honest, but keep some thoughts and feelings for your own. You are a walking contradiction and that is what makes you beautiful.
     You still take ukulele lessons and are rocking them. You tried to sail through them last month without actual practice and got caught in the act by your teacher. You took the constructive criticism and after a few hours of being mad, realized he was right. There is doing something well, and then there's doing something to the best of your ability. You are now striving for the best. Well comes too easy for you.
     You like school. You don't seem to have any strong relationships from there yet, but it's ok. I see the way other kids act around you when I am at the school. They are your friends, but you are keeping a distance. You'll let them in when you want. And you'll be choosy about who really knows you. It will be a privilege to know the real you.
     You haven't hit the tween angst stage yet. Only once have you given me full on attitude and I'm sure the entire neighborhood heard me when I told you in the driveway that you can think all the sassy things you want in your head but they better never again come out of your mouth. Your eyes narrow and there is a glassiness that comes over them when you are angry at me. Your chin lowers and your mouth is a straight line. I've got your number kid, because unfortunately for you, you are exactly like me.
     You teach me hope and passion and perseverance. I love you even when you give me sass. 

Dear B,

     Well, you know.... You're still a nut. Making us laugh, disgusting us with your antics, and showing us how to be proud of our emotions no matter what. You get mad, you get scared, you get ridiculously happy, and never bother to hide any of it. It's a good thing. Even when I want to strangle you and laugh at the same time because you are stomping your feet and emphatically huffing, and don't know that you shouldn't huff through your nose when you have a cold. Hard to be a grump when you are madly blowing buggers out of your nose.
     You have a thing for "skunking" people, and even though I've threatened you within an inch of your life, you continue to do it when you think I won't know. Just yesterday I got a video texted to me from your grandparents' house showing you laughing because you were tooting in a corner.
     You get carsick now. Fun times. Like on Christmas day when we were headed out on our four hour car trip to see family and I wasn't paying attention so you decided to color in your new Minecraft coloring book.... We made it all the way to the rest stop and only ten seconds from the parking spot before you threw up in the car. I will remind you at your wedding how you spent Christmas morning buck naked and covered in puke. 
     You are goofy and fun and love life even when you hate it. You ask if maybe we are someone's dream and give me a Minecraft for Dummies book for Christmas because I tell you I don't know how to play Minecraft to get out of playing Minecraft. You tell jokes that make absolutely no sense and can't help but speak in accents when you are counting to 136 in the back seat of the car. You hide under my bed so you can grab my foot and scare the beejeezus out of me when I walk by. You will snuggle at the drop of a hat and like to sneak into my bed at 5am because you "haven't slept all night long because you can't sleep by yourself."
     You bring excitement and joy and suspense to my life. I love you even when I want to strangle you.

Love, Mom