Why I Have (and love) My Part Time Job
It's hard second guessing myself about what I should be doing at any given moment. Hard not knowing when the next big (or little) payday is coming in.
And so, when it was time for the family vacation to happen, I didn't know what to do. Do I really take a few days off? Away from my laptop and my wi-fi and my cell service? I was anxious about it. I took a notebook to write down anything I might remember I needed to do as soon as I got home. I took a kindle with a business book I wanted to finish. My vacation wasn't going to be a full on vacation.
I spent the first two days annoyed. Wondering why I was working my tail off for so little payoff. Wondering why I was letting myself get worried and nervous and burnt out and frustrated and feeling like a failure, when I could just got full time back into teaching. Teaching comes easy for me. Teaching comes with a set paycheck and insurance. Teaching is the easy choice. That's what I should do. Go the easy route. Let someone tell me what to do, when to do it, and pay me for it every single week. Decision made.
But then day 3 hit. And I thought about what it would look like to go the easy route. Sure, I could have vacations and summers without worrying about work. Sure, I would know exactly where my paycheck would come from and what it would be. But.... I would know exactly what my paycheck would be. Teaching doesn't get you rich. Teaching has a income ceiling. It has a position ceiling. Just like 99% of the jobs out there, you aren't going to get rich with your 5% raise every year. And I'd know (pretty much) exactly what I'd be doing every day from now on. A "regular" job would bore me. I would get antsy and feel held back.
Don't get me wrong...I love teaching. I love working with high school students and seeing the light bulb go off when they finally get something. I love the feeling of working with challenged students and truly not knowing what will happen even though I had planned things down to the minute. I love doodling notes for them and finding the perfect YouTube video to enrich the lesson. I have a passion for it that I can't really describe. And I love it enough that I can't imagine not teaching - at least part time. Teaching is my passion project.
But I love my business too. The creativity, the struggle, the push to do more and do better. The constant learning and growing. And not knowing where the next paycheck is coming from? Well, in an odd, sort of sadistic way, it's fun. It lends a level of excitement and hope that you don't get from a regular job. In one year I could be broke.... or a millionaire. I could be living in this same wonderfully chaotic house, or I could move my chaos and be living in Greece for the month, teaching a class on video for business. Anything could happen with my own business. And I love that. Yeah, I could fail. But I could soar higher than I ever expected.
So what do I do? Give one up and live with only the other? Put all of my eggs in one basket but say goodbye to something else I love? Call me a commitmentphobe, but no. I want it all. I want security and adventure, excitement and consistency.... I want to teach and be an entrepreneur. Because really, both things round me out. They help me be who I am. They are two sides of the same coin and I love them equally for different reasons.
Kind of like my kids....I love them both but they both drive me insane equally....for different reasons. Ha! And for a quick glimpse of the vacation that prompted this all, here is a short video!